


As Always

by UmaAna



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, Shimadacest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 11:23:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19973254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmaAna/pseuds/UmaAna
Summary: Authors note: This will be full of angst. If you don't like this ship, don't look at it. There is a perfectly normal Shimada fic on my page if you want that instead.





	As Always

**Author's Note:**

> Authors note: This will be full of angst. If you don't like this ship, don't look at it. There is a perfectly normal Shimada fic on my page if you want that instead.

Genji awoke, sitting up to stretch, just like any other day.

He pulled a shirt on, putting his robe on over it, like every other day he's woken up to.

He checked his phone, deleting all the notifications he had acquired over the night, like he always does.

He kneeled next to his bed, gently shaking Hanzo's shoulder to wake him up, like he did... Most days.

"It can't be morning already... five more minutes, brother..."

Hanzo rolled over, pulling the blanket over his face when Genji pulled the window blinds open.

"It's already ten, we can't sleep forever."

Hanzo didn't always sleep in his bed with him. Only on cold nights, when the chill crept up on him, and on nights when he had a bad dream and couldn't stand to be alone.

Genji didn't mind. He never did. It was nice to spend some quality time snuggling up to Hanzo, even if he wasn't awake and able to appreciate it like Genji was.

Curling up to him, pressing his face into Hanzo's gorgeous locks, breathing in his scent and...

"Fine, fine, I'm up. What do you want for breakfast today? We have some eggs, and leftover rice from last night... Pork belly..."

"Whatever you want to make, anija. You know I will eat anything."

"Mm. Okay."

Sitting up, Hanzo stretches, groaning quietly as he adjusts his robe, covering up the small bit of skin Genji could see peeking through the top.

It was nice while it lasted.

-

At breakfast, Genji can't help but noticed the way Hanzo eats, like always. Slow, sensual, savoring every tiny bite, being careful not to get any on his lips or cheeks.

The exact opposite of how Genji eats.

It was almost weird, looking at how different the two of them were. Hanzo, a master of words, elegant in every way, being careful never to show the world any slip ups of his character or actions.

Genji... Can be loud. Obnoxious. He's full of energy, kind of wild, and, lets face it, a child at heart.

There is no reason why he and Hanzo should get along, much less enjoy each other's company. But they did, most of the time.

Between the occasional spat and bicker, they were close brothers, and friends.

At least in the way Hanzo saw it.

In Genji's eyes, Hanzo was more than just his brother. To him, Hanzo was his everything. His breath, his water, his life.

He could even say that, maybe... Just maybe... He-

"Genji! I asked you to pass the pepper... Do you have fuzz inside of your ears?"

"Ah, no, sorry, just thinking a bit..."

Without any more hesitation, he passes it over, feeling his face go a bit red from where his thoughts were a moment ago.

How could he think such a thing about his own brother? They grew up together, learning about the cruelty of the world, and the kindness it could sometimes give.

It was his own flesh and blood that he was having such thoughts about.

It felt... Wrong. But he couldn't help it.

"Sorry, anija. My mind just isn't in the right place today."

-

Sitting outside on the steps to the front gate, Genji was once again deep in his thoughts, remembering how it felt to hold Hanzo in his arms the night before, singing gently to him as he fell asleep after crawling into his bed from a bad dream.

Hanzo had nightmares sometimes.

Really bad ones.

The contents of them, Genji never knew, but he figured it was from the years of constant degrading and abuse forced upon them by their father and the rest of the clan.

Genji, of course, got the worst of it, but seeing his brother get treated like that probably wasn't the best for young Hanzo's mental state.

Genji was the type to not care once it was over, to feign strong-will and forget it ever happened. Hanzo took everything to heart, and was unable to push the bad memories out of his mind.

At least at night time, when Hanzo was pressed against Genji's chest, after he shed a few tears and calmed down, Genji could reassure him and remind him it was over now.

"I can see why you enjoy sitting out here. It's peaceful this time of day."

Hanzo took a seat next to him, folding his hands across his lap.

"It is. It gives me time to think, and sort everything out."

"Sort everything out? What do you have to worry about? We are catered to, barely having to lift a finger. The only thing we do is cook for ourselves and clean our own rooms. Your mind should be clear and free."

"Mm. It should be. But it isn't. I have a lot to think about, anija, and it's heavy."

"If it's heavy... I'd like to help lift the burden. What is troubling you?"

Hanzo put his hand on Genji's thigh, making him jump up.

"It's nothing..! I... I'm going to have a bath."

He turned towards the house, hurriedly rushing away before Hanzo could say anything else.

-

Genji sat on a stool in the family bath room, pouring cold water over his face.

There was no way in Hell he was going to tell Hanzo all the thoughts he'd be thinking the past ten years of his life.

The rare nights when Hanzo didn't sleep with him, spent imagining him next to Genji.

The days he spent stealing glances of him, admiring his sharp features and frail figure hidden beneath the miles of cloth surrounding him.

It was times like these he wished dearly he could be open and honest with Hanzo.

"I could never..."

"Could never what?"

Choking on his own breath, he looks up to see Hanzo, wrapped in a towel, sitting on another stool a few feet away from him.

"I-It's nothing, just talking to myself. What are you doing? Stop scaring me like that..."

"Same as you. Cleaning myself. It has been a long day, after all."

Wearing a smug smile, Hanzo folds his towel and gently sets it to the side, filling his bucket and pouring it over himself.

Genji, still in shock, averts his gaze, thinking it strange that he was bathing with him.

They hadn't bathed together in years.

"Ah, while you were mucking about in here, I began dinner preparations. Tonkatsu, with the leftover pork belly from this morning. I thought it would be a nice change from all the vegetables we have been eating."

"Y-yeah, it sounds good."

While Hanzo was thinking about dinner, Genji was thinking about Hanzo.

His smooth skin, framed tightly on his small body, pale as a ghost yet so becoming of him.

The way he held himself, ever so elegant, even during a vulnerable time like this.

It took everything he had not to gaze upon him for more than a moment.

"I'm finished now... I'll head out."

"But, you didn't even wash your hair."

"I'll wash it tomorrow, it's still dry... f-from the dye."

And with that, Genji wrapped his towel around him and scurried out of the bath room, hiding his face behind his hand.

He didn't stop to hear what Hanzo had said in return, only wanting to not be in the same room as him when Genji was in such a state.

His face was burning red.

-

After dinner, Genji retreated to his room, unable to get the picture of Hanzo's sleek body out of his mind.

Even as he ate, he still imagined his soft supple skin, drenched in hot water and soap, dewy and slick and oh so tantalizing...

 _Enough,_ he thought to himself, folding his robe and setting it to the side with his shirt as he crawled into his bed.

It's been a long day, and Genji couldn't wait to fall asleep and forget about it.

-

"Move over... You take up so much space..."

Genji's eyes shot open as Hanzo slid into his bed next to him, pressing his body up against Genji's.

"Did you have another bad dream, brother?"

"No... Too cold... You are warm..."

Hanzo nuzzled his face into the crook of Genji's neck, his breathing slowing down as he fell back asleep.

Sighing, Genji adjusted himself in his arms, his hand finding it's way to rest on Hanzo's thigh.

"You'll be the death of me, you know..?"

-

"Genji, wake up..."

Hanzo sat, gently shaking Genji.

"It's already almost noon, I have let you sleep long enough."

"Mm... I had a hard time sleeping last night..."

Genji rolled over away from Hanzo, rubbing his eyes.

After Hanzo climbed into bed with him, he couldn't find it in him to fall back asleep. He was wide awake for the better part of the night, just watching Hanzo sleep, stroking his cheek and playing with his hair.

"Well, sleeping in won't fix it for tonight. Get up. We have plans for today."

-

"You... You what?!"

Genji stood up, slamming his hands down on the table.

"I thought it would be a good chance to secure your future. She will be here soon, so calm your temper, and show her your good side."

"I don't want to, anija! What is the point of it?! I'm happy the way things are!"

Hanzo sipped on a cup of tea, paying no mind to Genji's worries.

"It will be fine. You can always say no... Again. But, please, keep an open mind."

Genji huffed, feeling absolutely betrayed.

For the past few years, Hanzo has been finding girls from all over the world in varying degrees of social status, though usually well-off, to shackle Genji down in marriage.

Even though he told him the last time he would never say yes to any of them, Hanzo still went and found one more in an attempt to marry Genji off.

"Ah, you are here. Please come in."

Genji, frustrated, turned around in a rush, pausing when he saw a beautiful blonde-haired women scurry in, walking quietly on her feet and holding her posture meekly.

"Hello there."

She sat down on the side of the table, keeping her head bowed.

"Genji, please. Try."

Crossing his arms, Genji avoided Hanzo's gaze, staring at the wall instead.

"I'm.. Sorry if I'm interrupting anything. _Tag_ , my name is Angela Ziegler. It's very nice to finally meet the both of you."

Genji turned towards her a bit, catching her glance at him before bowing her head once more.

"Genji, I will go and make some lunch for us. Get to know her, if you don't want anything to happen to your rice..."

Standing up without a sound, Hanzo makes his way out of the room, leaving Genji and Angela alone.

Once he was gone, Genji cast a death glare Angela's way, prepared to get her out any way possible.

"You know I don't care about this, right?"

"You don't?"

Angela cocked her head, no longer afraid to look at him.

"No. Not one bit. I am not interested in you, and never will be."

"And you think I am interested in you, _Herr Shimada_?"

She giggles to herself, pulling out her phone and looking through it, a smile forming on her face. Genji could only assume she was looking at some funny pictures, or texting someone.

"You... Are not?"

"No. I only did this at the request of my family and the great Shimada Hanzo. I'm not interested in any _man_ , if you understand me."

Genji froze, his jaw dropping. Any ill-will he had towards Angela suddenly disappeared.

"I... I understand. I am not interested in any woman, either. I have my eyes on someone, but it is someone out of my reach."

"Mm. Sounds tough. I'll make a deal with you, then. Let's pretend this went well, yes? Later on, we can decide amongst our respective relatives that we would like to choose someone else. It's what I do with all the other 'suitors' my parents try and choose for me."

Angela held her phone up to her face, fixing her hair with the help of the screen, before Genji heard the sound of a shutter click.

"I... I cannot do that. I want to make it very clear to my brother I do not wish for any more of these visits. You may tell your parents whatever you wish, but do not drag me into your game of lying."

"Me? Lying? A little white lie never hurt a fly. But you, Genji... Have a lot to hide and lie about when it comes to Hanzo, right?"

And the ill-will was back in full force. He did not like this woman one bit, and would think to hit her if he didn't have any proper manners.

"You shut your damn mouth. Get out of my house before I make you."

"Suit yourself. I won't say another word on the matter to anyone. Have a good day, Genji."

And with that, she stood up, her posture and vibe different from when she first arrived, and walked out in confidence, her heels clacking on the wooden floors.

-

"No more! If you bring any more of them here, I'll... I'll... Oh, I will be so upset at you."

"I am just trying to help you! Why don't you want help? You will not even help yourself. This is good for you!"

Slamming the spoon in his hand down, Hanzo spits his fiery words at Genji, seemingly not understanding why he had to be so difficult about such a simple matter.

"Because it's not good for me! I don't want it! Stay out of my life, will you? God, you are so... Thick."

"You are difficult and disrespectful."

"Fuck. You."

Genji flipped the bird at Hanzo, backing up before turning and walking away.

He needed to get away from this place for a while.

-

Hanzo finished up lunch, figuring that, even after their little argument, Genji would still be up for something to eat.

He always was.

And, while Hanzo felt bad about arguing with him, he only wanted what was best for him, which was a future in which he could live peacefully and comfortably.

He made them both a plate, bringing them out to the table, before making his way to Genji's room.

"Brother... Please come out and eat... We can talk calmly about this later."

He knocked gently on the doorframe, waiting for a response.

But it never came.

Hanzo felt that a few minutes was enough time for Genji to open the door if he was going to, so he slid the panel open, finding his room empty, his drawers torn apart, and all his valuables, gone.

He gasped, shocked that Genji would leave over such a small thing.

"Genji... Where have you gone?"

-

Genji sat on the edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean on the outskirts of Hanamura, his bags sitting next to him, a cool breeze rushing across his cheeks, making his face sticky with dried tears and snot.

"I... I said 'fuck you' to him... I'm a bad person..."

Sobbing into his arms, he thought of the things he could have said differently. He could have been calmer, or more convincing, or... Anything that wasn't screaming and crying.

Seemed like a dumb thing to do, now that he thought about it.

He made himself look like a fool to Hanzo.

No wonder he never took him seriously.

_Fuck..._

"Genji."

Hanzo came up behind him, his eyes sunk in and his face a bit red.

"What are you doing here..? Please come home. I was worried sick."

"What is the point? You don't respect me as an independent person. I do not want to marry a random girl, especially one that you have picked. We don't have the same taste in women, anija."

"I was wrong to try and force it upon you all this time. I'm sorry. But please, come home. Your dinner is getting cold and it's getting dark out..."

Hanzo kneeled next to him, laying his head on Genji's shoulder.

"I... Hanzo. There have been thoughts crossing my mind for so long... It hurts to keep them inside. But I have to. I don't want to disappoint you any more than I already have."

"You can tell me anything, you know. I may judge you, but I am your brother. That is my job. But, even if I do judge, I still care about you and your feelings. What is on your mind now?"

Genji reached for Hanzo's hand, grasping it gently in his own.

"I... Can't. I want to, but I can't right now. I'd like to go home for now and think about it."

"Okay. We can do that. I'd like to sleep early tonight, anyways."

-

Sitting at the dinner table with Hanzo was now feeling a bit awkward, especially since Genji let it slip that something was on his mind. He could just feel the gears grinding in Hanzo's pretty little head, wondering what in the world could be wrong with the most spoiled rotten brat to ever exist in Hanamura.

To make it worse, the food was lukewarm and a bit soggy, lessening Genji's voracious appetite.

"I think I'm finished... My stomach is upset from today."

"Okay. I will take care of it. Please go rest."

-

It was the same as always: Hanzo coming into Genji's room to cuddle up next to him, though this time was from a bad dream he had.

Genji felt so lucky at this moment, to have him next to him like this.

Being able to admire the beauty that radiated from him as he slept, his mouth slightly parted, eyelids fluttering as his mind danced about in his dreamland.

"I could never tell you... How I truly feel... But, I can enjoy being like this for the rest of our lives..."

He sighed quietly, pressing a kiss to Hanzo's forehead.

"Anija... I... I'm sorry for being like this."

-

Genji awoke in the morning to an empty bed.

 _Strange,_ he thought, but figured Hanzo didn't want to wait around for him again.

He stretched, pulling a clean shirt on, layering his robe over it, like he did any other day.

He checked his phone, something he hadn't done in a day or two, deleting all the notifications once again without clicking them.

Sauntering out of his room, he thought about how today was going to be a better day, how everything would be back to normal, how he and Hanzo could continue living their lives as they had done so for the past few years.

Coming out into the dining area, Genji saw an unfamiliar face, freezing in place.

"Genji. Nice of you to join us. This is Miss Ana Amari. Her family and I have decided we are to be wed next month."

"...What."

"You are still half-asleep. That is okay. But, since you did not want to, I thought I should do it in your place. You can live your own life, Genji, as I take the duties of our clan upon myself."

"You... Hanzo, I... But..."

Genji couldn't get any words out as he began hyperventilating, his vision going dark as his rage began to take over him once again.

Forcing himself to breathe normally, Genji hid his anger, a wide smile finding it's way on his face.

"I'm... So happy for you two. Excuse me, I... Forgot to grab my phone."

Turning away from them, he took a moment to compose himself, making his way back to his room.

As soon as his door was shut, he screamed, holding his head in his hands.

He punched the wall, denting it.

He punched it again, leaving a nice size hole.

Again, and again, and again, until it was so full of holes you could see the frame hidden behind the panel.

His body felt like shutting down, every ounce of him tingling with frustration and rage and hurt and betrayal and... Everything a man feels when his heart is broken into a million little pieces.

Genji grabbed ahold of a piece of the frame, ripping it out of the wall with his newfound aggression, and shoved it against his door, leaving it unable to be opened from the outside.

He was done this time, really.

He couldn't be by Hanzo's side if he couldn't be Hanzo's one and only.

His home, his room, his status, none of that meant anything if he couldn't have him.

Picking up his stuff from the night before, still packed away, he punched his window out, making his escape out of it.

This time, he wouldn't just stick around and cry.

He was, in no better terms, gone with the wind.

-

"Genji, did you fall back asleep?"

Hanzo knocked on his door, forgetting the scene that happened this exact way the day before.

"You should formally meet her before we go ahead with any plans... She is very nice, I think you will enjoy her company."

He knocked again, expecting Genji to speak up and ask him for five more minutes.

"...Genji?"

He tried to open his door, pulling hard on it until he realized it wouldn't budge.

"What are you doing now... Genji! Wake up!"

He knocked harder, his heart starting to pick up pace as worries began to fill his mind.

Without thinking, he shoved his shoulder against the door, busting through it. It was only paper, after all.

The scene he came upon was like one out of his worst nightmares.

It was destroyed, and Genji was nowheres in sight.

"I... Genji... Genji!!"

-

"Hey! Zen! Zen! Look!"

Genji sat on the ground, cross-legged, imitating Zenyatta as a way to tease him.

"My student, mockery is not how you achieve enlightenment in this world..."

"Yeah, but it makes me happy, and I could swear I hear the smile in your voice."

Genji stood up, dusting himself off, grinning ear to ear.

"I'm hungry. Whats for dinner?"

"You just had lunch an hour ago..."

Zenyatta sighs, looking off towards the distance.

They stand in front of Zenyatta's temple, utop a tall mountain, far from civilization.

"Genji. I have to ask now... It has been almost a year since you came here. What caused you to recede from your family and find enlightenment?"

"Eh? Mm... It's nothing, Zen."

"I can see the dark spot that is on your heart... It has been there since you've arrived, and only gotten darker... Is there something back home you must resolve?"

"It's... It's really nothing..."

Zenyatta glared at Genji, as much as he could, not entirely believing him.

"Genji. You cannot reach enlightenment if there is anything in your life weighing you down. You must be 'light'. It is right in the name, after all."

"Yeah but-"

"I suggest you go home and solve the issues plaguing your mind. You are welcome here regardless, but you may not ever reach inner peace with a weight like that on your shoulders..."

Genji looked down at the ground, knowing that it was something he had to do.

"Zen... You knew all this time I had this 'spot'?"

"Yes. Why else would you give up your lavish life in exchange for cleaning toilets and listening to an old bald man every day?"

"Mm. You got a point. I... I guess I should, then. Whatever happens, can't be much worse than this!!"

He patted Zenyatta on the back, grinning.

"Thanks, Zen. I'll go pack and head off. I'll be back in a few days."

"Take your time, my student."

-

Arriving back in Hanamura the next day gave Genji a rush of nostalgia.

It was as if time had never passed, and he hadn't lived somewhere else for the past year of his life.

The same stores were still open, people still walked around and bought things, and birds still chirped as they flew past.

It felt like home, even if the feeling of home made him feel a little sad.

Passing between the crowds of people and down main street, he came upon the front gate to his former home.

Pausing to admire its beauty, he felt a ball growing in the pit of his stomach.

He didn't want to do this.

He didn't want to be here, in Hanamura.

Hell, he didn't even want to be NEAR Hanamura.

"I'll.. I'll go back home. I don't need to do this..."

He turned around, the feeling deep inside him dissipating as the dream of leaving this place forever grew inside his mind.

Until he heard the sound of something heavy dropping, and a gasp.

"...G... Genji?!"

"Hanzo.."

At the steps of the front gate to Shimada palace, the two brothers met once again, face to face, an air of tension between them melting away once the realization kicked in.

"Genji! Oh my... Oh my God... Where have you been?! What happened? Were you kidnapped? Enslaved? Coerced? Prostituted?!"

"No, no! Hanzo! None of those things. I just... I want to talk about this inside. Please."

"Okay, okay. Can you help me carry this stuff please? It's quite heavy..."

-

Sitting down at the table, the place they always sat together during mealtime, Genji watched Hanzo head into the kitchen to put the things he had away.

Genji offered to help, but Hanzo declined, telling him to just relax for a moment.

'Relax' was not in Genji's dictionary today, nor was any form of the word.

Today would be the day.

The day he'd lose Hanzo's respect forever, and forever burn ties with the Shimada Clan.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, I went on a grocery run... A lot of things were out since I haven't had the energy to get them..."

"It's fine, don't worry."

"So... Where have you been all this time? I was worried sick, you know, especially with the way your room was when you disappeared."

"A place I am taken care of, don't worry about that. I left of my own will. I... I didn't feel I could live here any longer..."

Hanzo slid a cup of tea towards Genji, unsure if he was allowed to in Genji's mind.

He accepted it, thanking him quietly.

"But... Why? I... Thought... Everything was fine."

"It was not fine, anija... I told you, that I had some things on my mind."

"Yes. I thought we were going to talk about it."

"I couldn't at the time."

Genji hung his head low, every feeling he's ever felt about Hanzo coming back full force.

When he was at the temple, his emotions eventually settled down. He engrossed himself in his work and his studies, his meditation and his relationships with his fellow monks. It was easy there, to forget the hold Hanzo had on him.

Mostly.

"Is that why you came back..? Did you want to talk about it now?"

"I do. But I don't know how without looking like a fool."

"You can look like a fool if you want, but I won't think you a fool. It's hard to admit it, in my position but... I've missed you. So much. My life felt empty without you in it..."

"Why would you think such a thing... What about your new wife? You have her to keep you company."

"We never married. After you left, I told her and her entire family to shove it in a place where the sun does not shine."

Genji began shaking with the cup of tea in his hand, setting it down so he didn't spill it.

"B-but why... You could have been so happy..."

"There is no such thing as happiness, without you."

"H-Hanzo, you idiot... W-why do you suck so bad?"

"I... I don't... What do you mean?"

"You idiot!"

He buried his face in his arm, very obviously crying.

"I left so you could be happy with her! I would only get in the way! Are you fucking stupid?!"

"What do you mean?! How can I be happy without my brother?"

"Because! Because... I wouldn't have let you be happy with her..."

Genji wiped his face off, trying to calm down, shaking from his head to his toes.

"I don't understand.."

"Hanzo, I fucking... Isn't it obvious?! Are you really that thick? All of the nights we spent together in my bed, hugging on to each other like our lives depended on it. All the times I told you how beautiful I thought you were. And all the fucking times I ate your shitty cooking when you were still learning and told you how good it tasted even though it tasted like ass..."

"You think my cooking tastes like ass?"

"Thats not the point! The point is... I... I love you, anija. More than a man should ever love his brother. And, I hate myself for it. For ruining our friendship this way. And for making you upset when it's my own damn fault for thinking and acting this way."

"You... You what?"

"Yeah. That's it. That's been my problem all these years. And, thats all I came to say. I'm leaving now. I have work to do back at the temple. Goodbye, Hanzo. Should get ahold of that girl and work things out."

Genji stood up with a huff, almost forgetting about his tea. He drank it down, even though it was still hot, and thanked Hanzo for it, who was in quite a bit of shock.

With that, he was out the door, down the steps, through the garden into the courtyard, and to the front gate.

He hoped he'd never be welcomed back, because he didn't want to.

A life in Hanamura without Hanzo wasn't one worth living.

Life itself, was almost not worth living.

He spent most of his teenage and adult life in love with him, wasting away time he could have been using elsewhere.

Instead, his own heart betrayed him and kept him stuck here in this place, a brick in the wall of Hanamura.

Feeling... Empty, he sat on the steps at the front gate, letting his tears fall to the ground.

People stared as they passed by, being careful not to incite the wrath of a Shimada.

But Genji didn't care if they stared, if they cat-called, even if they attempted to kill him.

It didn't matter either way.

"Genji! Wait!"

_Not this again._

"Hanzo.. I'm not staying. Please, leave me alone."

"I'm... I'm not... Asking you to..."

Hanzo sat down next to Genji, obviously out of breath from running so far.

"Please... Come... Inside, just for... A minute..."

"Why?"

"P-please, Genji... I'm begging you."

-

On their way back inside the house, Hanzo took hold of Genji's hand.

"Come on... I have to show you something."

He lead him down the hallway where their rooms were located, stopping in front of Genji's door.

Genji didn't expect it to be busted down the way it was, but looking inside, everything looked the same as he left it.

The walls still had holes in them, and while the window wasn't exactly open, there wasn't much effort put into blocking it off from the weather.

"I haven't touched it since you left... Except..."

Hanzo grunted to himself, touching his face, possibly to hide a bit of a flush.

"To sleep in your bed... I like to press my face into your pillow and pretend you are still with me... It stopped smelling like you long ago but, I tried hard to remember what it was like to hug you at night."

"You... You slept in my bed? All this time?"

"Yes. I never realized how important you are to me. I... I took you for granted in my life, and tried to force things upon you that I thought would make you happy. I didn't know how you felt about me. I just... All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy..."

He squeezed Genji's hand, holding back from crying.

"Happy with me... Or with someone else."

"With you?"

"I have a confession to make, as well. I've had similar thoughts before, but I never entertained them. The longevity of the Shimada clan was always first and foremost in my mind, which meant... I had to restrict my own feelings."

Genji was taken aback, but couldn't do much besides stare at the ground, holding back his own want to fall to the floor and sob.

"Hanzo, I... Why... Why are you... Fuck."

"I know. Looking back at it now... I feel like it was selfish of me to hide it from you, and to force my ideals on you, too. I'm sorry."

"It wasn't selfish... You were raised that way."

"I know. But still. Even though I knew you didn't feel the same way as I did about our clan, I still tried to make you. I feel awful. I pushed you away, and... I thought you hated me for so long."

Genji took his hand from Hanzo, instead pulling him in to a tight hug, burying his face into his neck.

"I could never hate you. I never have. Always... Always, I've respected you as a person, and loved you for you. I never wanted you to change..."

"I know..."

At this point, they were both crying, small sobs of 'I'm sorry's and 'please forgive me's muffled by the pressing of their faces against each other.

"Hanzo."

Genji pulled back from him, reaching to caress his face.

"I'm in love with you, even if it's wrong to feel this way. I hope you can forgive me."

"Of course I can, Genji. We're both degenerates, aren't we?"

"Yeah. We are."

Pressing his forehead against Hanzo's, Genji breathes in deeply, feeling relieved it didn't turn out as bad as he thought it would.

"Genji."

"Yeah?"

"I want you to kiss me."

Hanzo ran a finger across Genji's bottom lip, closing the small amount of space between them.

Never before had Genji experienced someone telling him to kiss them. They always asked, and he always refused. Kissing someone when you didn't love them wasn't right.

"I can, if that's what you want."

"It is."

Sliding his arms around Genji's shoulders, Hanzo closed the distance between them, hesitating before gently pressing his lips against Genji's.

Like an open faucet on a dirty plate, everything that was on Genji's mind suddenly washed away, lifting a heavy weight from him as he melted into Hanzo's arms.

It didn't last very long, as the older boy pulled away from shyness, but it was the highlight of Genji's entire life.

"Sorry if that was bad... I've never kissed anyone before."

"I don't know if it was bad, since I haven't either... But I liked it a lot, anija."

Brushing his thumb against Hanzo's cheek, Genji went in for another, grasping Hanzo tightly to his body.

It was everything he ever imagined, and more.

Licking Hanzo's lips, he could taste the fine soju he must have had earlier in the day, the earthy flavor of the green tea they shared not long ago, and a hint of sweetness that Genji couldn't place.

Clutching onto Hanzo's robe for dear life, he shook in his shoes, a tear falling down his face. After so long, he finally did it. He made Hanzo his, and his alone.

That was all he ever wanted.

"Genji..."

Hanzo breathed heavily after he pulled away, wiping Genji's face.

"Yeah?"

"Will you stay now? Please... I don't know what I'd do if you left again."

"Anija... I want to. So bad. But I have to get back to the temple-"

"You don't have to! You can stay here with me... We will live like we did before, only... Closer. What we've always wanted..."

Genji sighed, nuzzling Hanzo's neck, placing a kiss on his jaw.

"Mm. I have a better idea. For tonight... Come to bed with me, yeah?"

"Of course. As always."

\- _Afterstory_ -

"So, yeah, that happened."

"I see... I'm glad you have figured your issues out."

Zen and Genji stood together watching the clouds from atop the mountain, chatting about almost everything that had transpired in the past 3 days.

"Anija! What are you doing over there? Come look at this view!"

The sun had just begun to set, and Genji had taken Hanzo to his temple to meet Zen and assure him everything was okay.

If he had never came back, he worried Zen might send a search party out after him.

Hanzo glanced at Genji, away from a statue of Buddha he was admiring, before quietly sprinting over to them, gasping at the colors in the sky.

"Oh, wow. It's so pretty up here. I can see why you guys enjoy it."

"Heheh, yeah. It's a good place for enlightenment."

"If you two are done looking at the sun, I'd like to end this day with some meditation. Is that okay?"

"Of course, Master."

Zen hovered down to the ground, humming quietly as he began.

Genji sat down with him, about to start when Hanzo nudged his shoulder.

"Uh... Genji. I do not think... I can sit properly. It's... Sore."

Genji choked for a moment, trying to hold back from giggling.

"Eh? Oh... Oh. Uh. You can meditate standing, don't worry."

-

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this. If you see any errors in grammar or spelling, please let me know.


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